Your Own Disaster
by slowdance
Summary: Sandle angst. Very slight GSR implied. She was creating her very own disaster. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of its characters.

A/N: Never thought the day would come when I would actually write something remotely GSR. Annoyed with myself, actually. Darn muse. Written to Your Own Disaster by Taking Back Sunday.

* * *

_Just think of this and me, _

_as just a few of the many things, _

_to lay around, to clutter up your shelves._

Sara curled up in her couch, rested her head on her knees and sighed. She looked up at the clock on the wall, it was ticking, just as it had been yesterday, as if nothing had changed. Everyday it ticked on, oblivious to it's surroundings, it's hands only concentrating on keeping momentum. It was almost time to go in for work now. She had always prided herself in being professional in work situations, but this time, the thought of working with him made her nauseous. She couldn't bring herself to face him, expecting to see his face blatantly displaying emotions of hurt, disappointment, betrayal. She couldn't even stand the thought of being in the same room as him. It wasn't because of repulsion and disgust, it was the guilt and shame that would start acting up every time she thought of him.

_And I wish you weren't worth the wait, _

_cause there's some things I'd like to say to you._

Greg lay in bed. He couldn't sleep. He had been trying to for the past few hours, and now it was time to get ready for work. He buried his head in his pillow and groaned. Work was the last thing he wanted to do right now. Usually it was a distraction, a few hours a day where he could immerse himself in solving a puzzle, it was a time where he could forget his troubles. Only this time, he would have to face the one person he wanted to avoid at work. Going in was the equivalent of a dental visit for a 7 year old, utterly unbearable. He could only hope that he didn't have to work with her. Funny thing was, her other boyfriend liked pairing the both of them up, so all Greg could do was pray that he wouldn't do so tonight. And, actually, do so for the rest of his career.

If it weren't for the pain of hearing the truth, he would have cornered her and forced the entire story out of her. He had nothing but questions and a foggy understanding of how and why. What he needed to hear from her was something solid, of substance. Something so entirely brutal he would be forced to forget her. He didn't want to bear with the pain of hearing the ugly truth, the entire concept of her betrayal. He wasn't too sure he could take it. Greg laughed to himself, it was a bitter laugh. As if he could forget her. He barely could muster up the hatred and betrayal that was only natural under these circumstances. All he felt was hurt and disappointment, nothing actually venomous. He closed his eyes and placed the back of his arm over his forehead. He could feel a headache coming on.

_And I dare you to forget_

_the marks you left across my neck, _

_from those nights that we were both found at our best._

She hated the fact that the whole goddamned apartment reminded her of him. From the bed, half of which had molded itself into the shape of his favorite sleeping position, to the toilet, where his shampoo still stood, reminding her of the sweet smell of his hair. Even the couch held memories of when they would lay, splayed out, watching a crappy movie just so they could spend time together. All of it only served to make her feel even more guilty, and she wasn't sure it was anymore possible. Suddenly, her own house felt suffocating, and she could almost feel the walls closing in on her.

She could never deny that she wasn't happy with him. In fact, she reckoned that she had never been happier before. But Greg wasn't something she wanted, desired. He did make her feel special, perfect, wonderful, loved, and she treasured all of that, but it all broke down to the fact that she couldn't forget Grissom. She knew she would have been slapped silly by single women all over the world looking for a man to love them unconditionally for turning away the only person who could love her with every essence of his being in exchange someone whom she quite certain could never do the same.

It wasn't logical, but it wasn't supposed to be. It was like exchanging a diamond for a piece of rock. It only boiled down to the fact that Greg wasn't the person she wanted. She never thought herself to be superficial, but it all just justified how shallow she could be.

_Said I could make this obvious and you, _

_you could deny it all in one breath._

_Come and shrug me off your shoulders _

He would never understand why she left him, just like that. He had always thought things were going well, he had even been toying with the idea of taking their relationship one level further. He had never known she was so unhappy. His lack of understanding towards her only made it even more painful. Did it mean that he didn't know her as well as he thought he did? Did this signify the one-sided openness in their relationship? He had bared his heart, opened it to her, just for her, specially for her. And what she did was walk out when she got bored.

He had truly fallen in love with her, and for someone who was a bit of a player in the earlier days, it was something quite new to him. He used to think falling in love was stupid, silly, something that would only hurt in the end. He changed his mind when he met her. Love to him at that time became something beautiful, special, meant only for one person. Perhaps his earlier mindset had been the more pragmatic side of him. Perhaps he had grown to be a bit of a dreamer as he got older. Wasn't it usually the other way round? He felt as if he had been thrown away, like ratty old soft toy that had been replaced by a newer, prettier doll.

_Hey lush have fun, it's the weekend._

_Hey lush, have fun._

Guilt. It wasn't something she should be feeling right? After all, couples break up all the time. Catherine had her divorce, which of course, was much worse, right? At least she wasn't married to him. She couldn't, however, deny the niggling feeling of doubt at the back of her head. Was she having second thoughts? She shook her head immediately, no she wasn't.

She was happy now, wasn't she? It was a selfish happiness, a feeling only on her account, but she couldn't think of his pain right now. She was disillusioned, she thought the pain would ebb away with time. She felt, right now, all they needed was time. Time would make everything better, she reasoned. Sara didn't know that even if the pain disappeared, the scars would never fade. No matter how much time they had, it was something that could not be forgotten. The scars would never allow it. It would serve as a reminder of her decision for the rest of her life. A reminder of her shameful actions which she tried so hard to bury under the duvet. She took a deep breath. No matter what, she was determined to stick with her actions, to be happy with her new life.

She got up from her couch, it was time for work. She was going to be late if she didn't hurry.

_Well haven't you had enough? _

His alarm beeped merrily, cutting through the unbearable silence of the room. It was meant to wake him up, but he had not fallen asleep. He turned the alarm off, and listened to his surroundings. It was too silent, as if the world had stopped moving. The only sound that could be heard was the persistent tick of the grandfather clock down the hallway. It was magnified as it reverberated through the walls of his room.

Greg moved out of bed and shuffling of feet could be heard as he made his way to the bathroom to freshen up. He washed his face, deciding that he would go in today. His absence would only serve to show the others how weak he was. He couldn't let her know how much it was affecting him. If only he knew how it was affecting her. He wasn't the only victim in the horrible mess, she was the unknowing victim of this self-destructing plethora of events. He had had enough of this. He was going to be strong, for her, and more so for himself.

_Well, I don't think that you know what you've been missing._

She slipped into her car, maneuvering her way through the Las Vegas traffic. She turned the radio on, and switched it off once she realized it was playing the cd he had specially burned for her. She wondered if she would ever forget him. His scent, his smile, his gaze. She wondered if her body would ever forget the way he made love to her, his tender touches which were searing hot against her skin.

She doubted she ever could. Perhaps it just wasn't possible to forget something like that. It was a futile attempt all in all, but there was no harm trying. It would have to start with revamping the house, throwing away everything that reminded her of him. She was afraid there would be nothing left if she she did that.

Then she changed her mind, deciding it wouldn't be a good idea. After all, what could go wrong? She was just holding on to memories, like photos in a scrapbook. He was part of her scrapbook of life. He would be etched in her memories.

_Just forget me, it's that simple._

He arrived a little early for work, and decided to pop into the DNA lab for awhile, knowing that Wendy had been backlogged with truckloads of work. Perhaps he could offer his services, just until real work started. He had to do something to take his mind of her. She had made it seem easy, the way she had just naturally slipped into her new life while he still stood, staring at the broken pieces, trying feebly to make sense of what they had left behind.

Wendy smiled as he entered the lab, he gave her a small smile back. She handed him a pair of gloves and they started working in companionable silence. As he started doing something that was almost second nature to him, he relaxed just a little, even cracking a few jokes to balance the mundane job they were doing. Hopefully by the end of shift he would feel better, though it would take a lot more than a few hours to forget the past few months of his life he desperately wanted to.

_'Cause in times we've thrown it all, it all, all _

They would never be the same again. Crazy antics would be replaced by awkward conversation. Jaunty laughter replaced by nervous smiles. Work that used to fly past them in a whirl would stretch on for so long it would become almost unbearable. Their relationship would have to be rebuilt again from scratch. Overnight, the both of them had changed from intimate lovers to distant strangers.

They had thrown it all away.

**End.**


End file.
